Finding Myself
by renagirl9
Summary: I was a very different person than the person I pretented to be. A story of how I found the way to being the real me with the help of a very special boy. Lily PotterX Lorcan Scamander. Compatable with Guess the Secret's out.


**A/N: This is my first Lily story. I wax writing my other story, Guess the Secrets out and I couldn't get Lily out of my head. So this story is compatible with that. It's also my first completely first-person story, so forgive me if it's confusing. **

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**Chapter 1**

This is the autobiography you wanted me to write, Professor Karma. It does not cover my entire life, but the aspect of it that I found most important, me finding myself. I hope that will do.

My life so far has not been as exciting as my cousin Rose's, who fought another dark wizard _already._ But it has been filled with some drama.

It all starts with Lorcan Scamander. Let me give us a bit of background on him. Lorcan was born a month after I was, to Luna Lovegood Scamander. She's my godmother and one of my namesakes. My mom said that Luna was so happy to be my godmother that she decided that my parents would be godparents for her baby. She also decided that if it was a girl, her middle name would be Ginny, and if it was a boy, his middle name would be Harry. And so Lorcan Harry Scamander was named.

His name does not sound as beautiful as mine, Lily Luna Potter, a fact I've teased him over many times. But I don't think he really cares.

Our parents being each other's godparents resulted in the two of us spending _a lot _of time together. We practically grew up together. In fact, I think Lorcan was around more than either of my brothers. We were inseparable; people would have called us twins, except for the differences in appearance. My black hair and brown eyes looked very different than his blond hair and silver eyes. But other than that, we could have been twins. We finished each other's sentences and we basically had the same personality, sly, curious, and outspoken.

At least I was like that in private. Back then, I had two personalities. One, the real me, the curious sneaky me, was who I was when I was with people I trusted. But in public, I was quiet and shy. I was the good daughter everyone expected me to be. What you have to understand is that the media was always suffocating me with their expectations. Being Harry Potter's daughter, reporters were a part of life, and if I acted like they expected me to, they usually left me alone. So I hid the real me away in self-defense.

Lorcan was never that affected by the press. Even though his mother attracted a fair amount of attention herself, he never seemed to be affected by it. I was always jealous of that.

Before I came to Hogwarts, I could still allow the real me through in private. But once I got to Hogwarts, nowhere was private enough. I forgot the real me, and absorbed the fake personality I put up.

I remember that first year with surprising clarity. I remember that my favorite cousin, Rose, who had been sorted into Hufflepuff yet didn't seem to care (again, I was envious), had a huge argument with Scorpius Malfoy (who defying all expectations was a Ravenclaw). I looked on and had one of my rare (at least they were back then) moments when I could see the future. I saw that they would someday be a couple.

These moments where I could see (for lack of a better word) the future or the truth, weren't really visions. They were more like feelings; feelings that I was certain would come true. And they always did. It was like being perceptive, which I also was. I could read a situation or a person in a second. And during these moments, which I couldn't control, I could know what would happen. I've never met another person who could do this. I'm not a seer. I don't give prophecies or see visions. My feelings usually have to do with social things. So I don't really know what they are. But I do put them to use.

One of the first 'moments' I remember having was when I saw Teddy and Victoire getting together two years before it happened. Or at least two years before anyone found out about it. I told James and Albus about it but they didn't believe me. They never believe me. So I stopped telling people about them.

But I remember when I saw Rose and Scorpius's future relationship I was horrified. I was a Potter-Weasley raised from the cradle to despise the Malfoy family. The thought of my cousin, Rose, a Granger-Weasley (even worse than a Potter-Weasley), dating one was sickening. But I came around to the idea eventually. Especially after one memorable encounter with Scorpius, a piece of meat, and a herd of thestrals (Long story short, he saved me from a stampede of hungry thestrals). I came to understand that he was an okay bloke even though he was a Malfoy. Thankfully, I realized this before the two told me of their relationship, so I was just able to smile smugly. Actually, I found out that they were dating a year before they told me. And technically, they didn't tell me, I overheard Al and Rose talking about it. But that's another story. **(A/N: that story is Guess the Secret's out if you want to read it)**

I didn't have a 'moment' where I saw the outcome of my sorting, try as I might. Actually, now that I think of it, I've never had a 'moment' where I saw something about myself. Pity, that.

I remember on the train ride there I made some great friends, each of whom commented on fairly certain thing of me and Lorcan being in the same house. We had nearly identical personalities remember. There were as number of bets made on the houses we would be in, but not one person split us up. And no one made a bet that we'd be in Slytherin. Of course not. I am a Potter and no one in their right mind would ever think a Potter could be a Slytherin.

We arrived at Hogwarts soon and I still remember the feeling of awe I had when I first laid eyes on it. And that night was just as memorable, in a different way.

I remember the exact details of my sorting. That day will haunt me forever. I still question myself with what ifs and could have beens.

_Flashback_

_The sorting hat fell over my eyes, temporarily blinding me from the world.I heard a voice, not with my ears, but in my mind. I could tell that the hat could read my every thought and understand it better than I could, too. _

"_Perceptive, aren't you?" The hat said._

"_I try." I replied, trying not to show my annoyance with the hat seeing into my mind. I didn't like it one bit._

"_You're very good at putting on a mask, Lily. You've fooled you're friends, your family, everyone but Lorcan. And me, of course. It's not possible to fool me." I could've sworn the hat laughed at me toward the end._

"_I can see the real you, Lily. I don't know why you hide it from the world. The real you is a very nice Slytherin girl."_

_I could swear my heart stopped beating for a few seconds there._

"_Ah. You didn't see it coming. I thought you might since you are so perceptive. But it's always hard do read yourself, isn't it?"_

"_I'm not a Slytherin! I'm a Gryffindor!"_

"_Protest all you like Lily. It's not going to change the fact that you have all the qualities of Slytherin. You're cunning, intelligent, goal-oriented, sneaky…. Shall I go on?"_

"_I'm not a pureblood." I said triumphantly, thinking that since I wasn't I couldn't be in Slytherin._

"_That was never a requirement in Slytherin. It's just that recently, all of the suitable Slytherin candidates have had pureblood. Their parents raise them that way. But you, my dear, were born like that."_

_I was almost resigned to my fate as a Slytherin, and oh I wish I had, when I had a 'moment'. This time it wasn't the future, but the truth. _

_I saw the hat's secret: It couldn't sort you into a house you didn't want. I smiled. The hat immediatly knew I knew and gave up trying to convince me to go to Slytherin. It was far more perplexed at what had happened. It had never seen anything like it before. So it was distracted and didn't even fight when it yelled out, "Gryffindor!"_

_Later that night…_

_It was one of the last sortings. I was sitting comfortably with my family at the Gryffindor table. Lorcan was up under the Sorting Hat now. I was grinning till the hat shouted the unthinkable word…_

"_SLYTHERIN!"_

_I nearly fainted._


End file.
